#11: 4 lessons I learned about telling people you’re leaving academia

Are fears about what others think holding you back from pursuing a better life?

I was scared of a lot of things when I made the final decision to leave academia.

One of my fears was how my colleagues, peers, and mentors would react if I left.

I didn’t want to disappoint them or fail them.

Would they regret the time they had invested in me?

Do you have similar fears?

These worries can demotivate you and cause you to avoid taking action.

But when I finally announced that I was leaving, I learned some surprising lessons.

My encouragement for you: rather than worrying about others’ opinions, look for your new community. (We’re right here on places like LinkedIn).

Lesson 1 - Leaving Academia Is Scary

The truth is, I had many fears.

• I was scared I was making the wrong choice.
• I was scared I would have regrets.
• I was scared I was abandoning a career I had worked so hard for.
• I was scared I wouldn’t succeed outside academia.
• And yes, I was also scared of what other people would think.

I was afraid that other academics would see my departure as a sign of failure.

I was afraid they would think I was making a foolish mistake that hurt myself, the field, and my department.

I was afraid that they would regret the time they invested in me.

Honestly? I was afraid of feeling shame.

There's no way around these feelings. I wish I could tell you otherwise.

But then something amazing happened…

Lesson 2 - People Are Kind

My colleagues were startled by my announcement. And some expressed sadness that a friend was leaving.

But literally every person I spoke with was kind.

My chair. My advisor. Mentors. Colleagues.

They all encouraged me, said I was taking a brave step, and wished me well.

Surely some people had negative thoughts, but they kept them to themselves.

I know that’s a bit lucky. I know for certain there are advisors and other academics out there who would say something cutting.

But it just didn’t happen. Instead, everyone said some version of, “Yeah, I get it. Good for you. You have to do what’s best for you.”

You will find the same. For every person who judges you, 10 will cheer you on.

Those who disapprove will mostly just go silent and ignore you. (Is that so awful?).

Lesson 3 - People Aren’t Really Thinking About You

The truth of the matter is that people moved on pretty quickly.

There had to be some brief shuffling in my department to account for my absence. But after a few ripples, things were placid once more.

In fact, both my department and everyone I knew across academia are ticking along quite nicely still, thankyouverymuch.

That’s because when it comes down to it, people worry about themselves and their own messy lives.

As they should.

And moreover, I wasn’t that important. I really wasn't.

What had almost felt like a “betrayal” to me turned out to be nothing more than a momentary inconvenience to others.

And that should be freeing for you to consider!

The only opinion that matters is your own. Don’t be bound by the opinions that you imagine other people having.

Because they’re not actually going to think about you for that many total minutes — especially in comparison to the number of minutes of your life!

Lesson 4 - People Have Similar Dreams

Then the real surprise happened. Colleagues in full-time roles, some tenured, began to reach out to me quietly.

“How did you do it? I wish I could leave too. Can I talk with you about it?”

Tenured and TT scholars in my network across the country also reached out. And within the first month of announcing publicly, I started getting my first contacts from complete strangers.

“I’m stuck. I need to get out.”

Instead of shame, I discovered a hidden group of people who were all having similar experiences to me.

Rather than feeling even more isolated, I began to find a new community.

Some of the community was (and still is) inside academia. Others preceded or followed me out.

Frankly, the overall experience ended up being quite affirming.

Conclusion:

People are kind. Many have similar dreams to you. The rest honestly won’t spend much time thinking about you if you leave.

So go live the life that is right for you.

And discover that there is a big crowd of us, right here, who understand exactly what you’re going through and we're cheering for you.