#7: How to find a mentor
Ever see the “I got a job” LinkedIn posts where people thank their mentors?
Feel a little wistful? I know I did. I used to wonder how I could find mentors.
It seemed impossible as an academic. And awkward.
But mentoring is what ultimately propelled my own career growth forward.
If you aren’t finding ways to build mentoring relationships, you’re missing out on one of the biggest accelerators of any career pivot.
Today, I’m going to share my three-step process to develop these valuable relationships.
You’ll learn to:
- Look for mentoring in many forms
- Build relationships first and attract mentors naturally
- Put in the work to maintain a mentoring friendship and give back value
Plus, I'll throw in a bonus secret at the end.
Mentoring isn’t just one thing or one person
First, relax some of your assumptions about what mentoring looks like.
It can be many things, not just one model of intense one-on-one cultivation.
There are people whom I consider mentors who only spoke with me “live” 2-3 times over the course of my pivot.
Yet, they gave me just the right wisdom when I needed it.
A mentor can be a wise counsellor that you speak with once a quarter or twice a year.
Second, mentors can also be specialists. They may be someone who helps you with one topic, not all topics. Don’t expect or look for someone who will guide you in all areas.
Instead, build a team of people that covers the bases.
Finally, a mentor isn’t necessarily wearing a hat or badge that says “MENTOR” in big letters. Mentorship can be informal.
You don’t have to ask “will you be mentor?”
Instead, how about, “I really appreciated your advice last fall about how to tailor my resume. I’ve implemented your suggestions and seen success. If you have time, I’d love another conversation about how to make sure I’m translating my skills effectively during interviews.”
Start with relationships (the mentorship will follow)
Sometimes, point-blank asking for mentoring or help works. It’s worked with me a few times.
But building trust first is probably a better strategy.
How do you do that?
Become a regular. Show up at meetups, online webinars, and in the comments of LinkedIn, Threads, Facebook, or wherever you are finding valuable conversations.
Chime in.
Even just saying, “This is what I found valuable and here’s why” on someone’s post can make their day. It also slowly puts you on the radar of other people in your space.
Think about it. I’ve had people ask for what amounted to hours of my time — in their introductory connection request. I’ve also had people, after a couple months of being active in the spaces I’m in, ask for a short conversation.
It is a LOT easier to say “yes” to the second type of person.
And if the second type of person is asking smart questions in a LinkedIn post, it’s easy to reply to them and give them advice and then it can naturally lead to 1-on-1 conversation later.
Be a regular! And give advice and help where you can, too.
This will lead to low-stakes interactions naturally and you can make a comfortable (rather than forced) invitation.
Put in the work, give back value
Have you had a coffee chat with someone helpful? Or had some other useful exchange through direct messages or emails?
Time to put in some work.
Follow their advice. Try it out as best you can.
Now, after a bit, send a follow-up message reporting on what you’ve done and the results.
I love it when people I’ve helped give me a follow-up report a month or two later.
If they’ve had success, it makes me feel great. (That’s giving ME value!). If they’re having trouble, it causes me to ask some additional questions to help the person identify their bottleneck. Partly it's because now I have skin in the game. I want my help to pay off!
And usually, I’ll offer some more advice. Maybe this will be async. Maybe we’ll have another chat.
Note that most people who talk with me disappear into the void afterward.
And that’s fine. (Maybe it's me?). The conversation itself was usually enjoyable and gave me value. It may have been all that the person needed to get moving on their next step.
So I’m not offended when people vanish. I take it as a given.
But it’s a little surprising.
Because the people who check back in every 2-3 months make me feel like my time wasn’t wasted. And it creates an opportunity for a meaningful relationship. It becomes easier to maintain a back and forth.
See how this isn’t a weekly mentoring session? (Your mentor is not your therapist — though I definitely recommend having a therapist as part of your broader career and life team).
Instead, it’s a long-term conversation with give and take. That can be some of the best and most valuable mentoring, in my opinion.
Look for other ways to give back value. Updates is one, as I said. Tell them later what was most helpful about the advice they shared. Just doing that one simple thing will make you stand out.
Boost and comment on any public posts, blogs, etc. that they make. Obviously, a lot of mentors won’t be creating and posting much. But if they do, they themselves are facing doubts about whether what they’re saying is useful or good.
Your affirmations will mean a lot to them.
Don’t pester your mentors, but don’t make them take the initiative either.
YOU should reach out periodically. YOU should make it easy to have a follow-up conversation.
Whatever you give will return to you multiplied. That goes for potential mentors as well as to peers who are also navigating their careers.
TLDR:
- Check your definition of mentoring
- Be a regular: Show up and give back
- Put in the work
You may luck into a formal “I’m your mentor” situation.
But the real mentoring comes from long-term conversations and giving each other value and encouragement.
Now here's the secret bonus:
What you may notice from all of the above is that sometimes a mentor is a single person, but just as often, it’s a community.
And the way to find mentorship is through building and joining communities.
Do that!